


Some Things Should Never Change

by spideysmjs



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Reconnecting After High School, Relationship Study, Slight Choking Kink (One Scene), break up make up, canon nudged to the left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 02:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21007877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideysmjs/pseuds/spideysmjs
Summary: "She’d watch him love and protect the city for so long, right before her eyes and from hundreds of miles away. The city is Spider-Man’s responsibility, Spider-Man is Peter Parker, and Peter Parker is her responsibility."Michelle Jones' life with Peter Parker through the years – she finds herself, loses herself, and finds herself along the way.(inspired by friendly neighborhood spider-man #11)





	Some Things Should Never Change

**Author's Note:**

> In this house, we live in the Michelle Jones Cinematic Universe.

“I’m not obsessed with him. I’m just very observant.”

Michelle steadies the tone of her voice after verbally confirming Peter's recent drop in extracurricular activities.

She in stays in the shadows, watering down her emotions from her classmates because she really doesn’t want attention. Maybe except for Peter Parker’s, but he’s desperately in love with Liz Allan, and he won’t even answer Michelle’s voicemails, _so_.

It’s an innocent crush until it starts to get weird because Peter hasn’t been _ this _ absent since freshman year when he didn’t go to class for an entire week, his name lingering in the mouths of Midtown Tech Tigers because almost every news outlet covered the gruesome death of his uncle, Ben Parker. 

“Where’s Peter been?” she drops her tray of questionable cafeteria food directly in front of Ned as opposed to her usual spot a few tables down. Ned reacts cautiously and stutters when he answers. 

“I think he’s in the library." He starts digging through his Doritos chips faster than before Michelle interrogated him.

“Bullshit,” she pulls the chair out and tucks herself in, “and even if it’s true, he misses everything else, too. Like dropping the decathlon competition which is such an asshole move because he knows he carries the team.”

She sees Ned visibly gulp. Michelle didn’t understand Peter and Ned; as confusing as they are as individuals, they’re even stranger when paired together. She’s convinced the two of them operate on a higher frequency undetected by normal teenagers. She brushes off the aggressive sentiment.

“Can you just tell him I have notes he can borrow for Ms. Warren’s class, then? He won’t answer my texts,” she drums her fingers on the table.

“Sure, Michelle,” Ned says, and they eat in silence for the remainder of lunch.

* * *

Peter Parker is Spider-Man. 

She really didn’t try hard to figure it out or anything. The answers were really all in front of her all in the form of Peter and Ned being idiots terrible at keeping secrets, but she confirms it when Peter’s suddenly back on the team for the Washington Nationals, disappearing on the day of the competition. 

“My friends are up there,” she’s squinting and panicking because something exploded at the top of the Washington Monument, and Spider-Man’s conveniently left New York City on the same weekend as their team. 

“_What?!” _ he yelps, and in Michelle just _ knows _100% it’s Peter underneath that spandex costume and she just witnessed him save their friends, and she’s grateful. 

She’s even more grateful when Peter offers (because his Aunt insisted, but still) her a ride home after her mom neglected her at the school when the weekend is over. And really, that’s all she needs to experience to know that she’d do anything to secretly help make Peter’s double life as Spider-Man a little easier. 

“What are you _ hiding_, Peter?” she lifts her brows and leans in, eyes piercing daggers into Peter’s eyes before continuing, “just kidding, I don’t care.” 

He scurries off, and he doesn’t come back. Of course. He probably had a superhero emergency or maybe a debrief from the recent arrest of his high school crush’s father. She excuses it because she knows, and she’s probably one of the few that know and can make Peter’s life less hard, and hopefully, he’ll appreciate it. 

* * *

“Hey, Parker, can I talk to you?” she finds the courage to approach him right before decathlon practice because she actually put her foot down two weeks ago because it’s the new year and he really should fix his bad habits. 

“What’s up, MJ?” he clings onto the strap of his backpack. 

“Do you want to study for the _ Great Expectations _ test on Friday?” 

“There’s a test on Friday?” he tilts his head back and sighs heavily. 

“Is that a yes?"

“But you’re good at English,” he laughs. 

“Great observation. I’m trying to help you,” she offers awkward finger guns and a half-smile.

“Oh. Okay, yeah, sure,” he’s now fidgeting with the ends of his backpack straps. “Text me when and where, and I’ll let Ned know, too.”

_Shit._

“Okay,” she accepts in quiet defeat and they exchange eye contact for five seconds too long and look away. “Well, practice is starting.”

Peter: Ned can’t go tonight

MJ: Oh

Peter: [typing]

Peter: [typing]

Peter: Is that ok?

Peter: Like to still study, without Ned

MJ: Yeah, that’s okay

Peter: Cool 

Peter passes the _ Great Expectations _exam, but Michelle thinks he could use a bit of work on the essay portion for their next book assignment. She gets an A-, but she could have gotten an A if she had just five more minutes to write a couple more sentences on her conclusion. 

They start frequenting the coffee shop just a couple blocks from Michelle’s place first just to study for upcoming exams, eventually turning into weekly homework dates. Sometimes Ned accompanies them, but on those days Peter’s a lot less focused on Michelle and she doesn’t hate Ned, but she also loves when Peter asks her about what her favorite podcasts were and how she was like when she was seven years old. 

It’s the week before Spring Break, meaning their midterm paper for English is due and to no one’s surprise, Peter’s forgotten about it. 

“Are you serious?” he freaks out, pacing back and forth in their now-empty English classroom. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I suck at writing, and I have a chem lab practical tomorrow! If the paper’s due on Friday, then I only have one day to do it.”

“I can help start it for you,” she comments. She’s already finished her third (and final) draft analyzing the racial implications of both _ Heart of Darkness _ and _ The Invisible Man_, and chemistry is her worst subject so naturally, she’s been prepping for the practical for a week now. Granted, she doesn’t have an extra superhero side gig like Peter Parker, but he also is genuinely terrible at time management. 

“Oh, no MJ, please. That’s too much, and you’ve already helped me bump my grade from a C+ to B+ this semester. I can’t ask you of that,” he softens his voice and eyes as she’s occupying two desks by extending her legs across one. 

“No big deal, Parker. Or we’ll work on it together. We can start today, too. Unless you have other things to do,” she tests him. She’s wondering if he’ll make up an excuse so he can swing around the city.

“That’d be amazing, MJ. Aunt May told me to be home early today so I can’t go to the cafe, but you can come over if you’re comfortable with that,” he leans on the desk her feet are occupying. She nods slowly and curves her lips to smile. “Cool. Is 4:30 okay? I have chores to do before…” 

_ Chores. _

“That’s fine yeah,” she takes her legs off the chair and starts to pack up. “See you later Peter.”

She waves him off lazily to play it cool before leaving the library, using enough self-control to not look back, although she fully feels Peter’s eyes on her as she walks away. 

Michelle decides to bring lunch because she’s 75% sure Peter stalled their study session to patrol for at least an hour, meaning he’ll ignore the part of the day where he has to eat because he wants to maximize his time helping the city. 

Again, she’s observant. And she kind of likes him, but she doesn’t want to think about that because he actually pays attention to her now and answers her messages and calls her Em when she teases him. Maybe it makes her mind feel like mush and maybe that’s why she teases him even more, but that’s all it can be because he’s a literal superhero and she’s just MJ.

Aunt May buzzes MJ in, and her palms are a little sweaty and her heart is beating too fast because she’s about to meet the woman that raised Peter Parker. She’s heard many things from Peter about May Parker, from the endearing passion she has in people to the way she embarrasses Peter every chance she gets; from how she gracefully raised Peter after Ben passed away despite not being blood relatives. 

_ “We’re all we’ve got, you know?” Peter once said about his aunt while walking MJ home from the coffee shop after overloading on pre-calculus practice sets. _

“Let me check on him first, sweetie, he took a nap after school,” Aunt May lets MJ into their apartment and automatically feels warm because there’s blankets laid out on the couch and the sun’s pouring in through the window by the fire escape. She takes it all in, knowing this is where Peter’s grown up, where he’s grieved, where he learned he was Spider-Man. MJ could tell him what she knows, could just admit it, and reveal it, but it’s also like opening a can of worms. So she doesn’t, and she lets him be. “He’s still napping, but you can go ahead in his room because he’ll smell the pizza and way up right away.” 

MJ balances the box on her hip when she opens the door, and May’s right, he does wake up to the smell. 

“Rise and shine, Parker,” she drops the box of pizza on his desk. 

“MJ?”

“I brought you sustenance to compensate for your chores. Though, I don’t think you did a great job,” she gestures to the scattered clothes on the foot of his bed and the open textbooks laid out on the uneven rug in the middle of the floor. “You look exhausted. Don’t get me wrong, you still look pretty much close to perfect, but I also didn’t know chores could leave scratches all over your face.”

Peter’s face flushes to light pink. “Perfect?”

It kind of just slipped, and there’s no turning back now, so she smiles and says, “Yes, dork, now get over yourself. It’s time to start that paper.”

* * *

Junior year’s different because MJ and Peter spent at least one day of the week during the summer together, with no homework or study sessions to hide behind, but she thinks it’s because Ned spent most of the vacation in Hawaii with his cousins and they really don’t have any other friends. 

There were a few times they’d work on SAT prep with each other, but reviewing turned into binge-watching _ New Girl _ on Netflix and arguing over which of Jess’s exes were the best for her (“Come on, it has to be Sam.” “You really expect me to pick Sam over Ryan? Ryan was _ the _one.” “The long distance could never work, Peter.” “You have absolutely zero faith in love, they were perfect for each other, and Sam was in love with someone else.” “At least we both agree it’s not Russell.”)

But unfortunately, her dream summer with Peter ended and her mom already started pressuring her into studying for the SATs on top of actual AP school work because she can’t afford the prep classes that Flash is in and she _ has _to get a high score and there’s no way she isn’t getting into Harvard. Peter’s also gotten better at the whole time management thing, which meant fewer opportunities for him to ask MJ for help in classes, so yes, she’s a little less enthusiastic about junior year.

She’d still hang out with Peter, now mostly with Ned, and honestly, it just feels like she’s back to square one: watching him from a distance and presenting him with useless trivial knowledge to fill the awkward silences when they run out of conversations. Except sometimes, she’ll catch him staring back before looking away, and those are the times she’s thankful for her dark complexion hiding her blush because the red on Peter’s face when she catches him, can be seen from miles away. And when those glances happen, MJ’s chest feels tighter, but in a good way - a way that’s enough for her to keep her quiet crush a secret - because liking Peter Parker is already a reward in itself. 

* * *

They’re on the way to the Museum of Modern Art when Ned yells, “Oh my God, we’re all gonna die!” and everyone rushes to the back of the bus to witness a donut-shaped ship hovering over the city. MJ, who has taken up an entire row sitting with her chin perched on her knees, doesn’t budge. Not because she doesn’t care, but because she cares too much. She refuses to accept the sounds of imminent danger by the gasps of each student and the synchronized sounds of their phones sending alarms. 

**ALIEN ATTACK IN NEW YORK CITY. **

**EVACUATE ANY BUILDINGS SOUTH 43RD STREET.**

One quick glance over her shoulder, and Peter’s gone. There’s a gut-wrenching pain in her heart because this is his responsibility to the city. He has the ability to save the people, and he’s been raised to take any opportunity he can to help others. She hopes, thinks, and prays that he’ll be safe. That he’ll save everyone. 

Mr. Harrington cancels the field trip and instructs each student to contact their parents. She texts her mother whose working a shift at the hospital, probably backed up with new patients in the emergency room with no time to respond back, but MJ understands that there are lives to save. She won’t cry like she did when her mother had been paged on her 11th birthday to report to the hospital because there were unidentified creatures rampaging through New York because now she’s sixteen and the universe has gotten really strange, and the ideas of responsibility are now attached to her vocabulary.

She’s still thinking about Peter. About the way he left the bus with zero hesitance, zero contemplation about this attack being a life or death situation. Just based on his zest for saving the world, MJ believes in Peter, believes that he’ll pull through and save everyone. 

He’ll come back, and he’ll make up an excuse that everyone weirdly believes because it’s Peter and no one pays attention to him except for her. And when he’s back, she’ll bring him a box of pizza with pepperoni and sausage with one slice saved for herself because he has a disgustingly large appetite. And they’ll watch a movie and MJ will pretend to not notice his bruises or the way he winces when he moves even though it hurts to see him in pain. 

She knows he can do it, she’s seen it hundreds of times now, and he always comes out alive - broken bones and bruised skin, sure, but he’ll still be there. Because MJ refuses to be in a world without Peter Parker in it.   
  


* * *

  
After the spaceship pulled away from New York City, MJ locks herself in her room. She watches the news report that Tony Stark is missing and immediately shuts off the TV because she can't grasp the idea that Peter’s up there, too.

In space.

In an unknown place.

Fighting whatever the hell is out there.

No alerts, breaking news, nothing notifies MJ on her phone. 

She’s at home alone, which is nothing unusual, but anxiety creeps up on her and clings onto her back because the city’s never been this quiet at 2 in the morning before, yet it’s the loudest silence she’s ever heard. MJ wills herself to fall asleep as the birds are already chirping, but her slumber doesn’t last long because her curtains are thin and the sun is blazing into her eyes. 

It’s 9am in the morning. MJ can feel the bags under her eyes weigh her down as she leaves her bedroom. There’s a note scribbled on a yellow post it pressed on the wall across her bedroom door, _“Food in fridge, another shift to take care of patients in the ER. Everything will be okay. Love,_ Mom.”

She’s gripping the door of the refrigerator to eat breakfast when a sudden feeling of lightheadedness pushes her to the ground, and there’s an unbeatable force of pressure keeping her on the floor mixed with weakness in her body to fight it. She garners enough strength to lift her arms, but her arms are disappearing into ash.

Whatever invaded Earth had won. MJ’s dying, disintegrating, ceasing to exist, and she can’t even call her mother because she no longer has arms, her legs are almost gone, and she’s losing the brain power to process everything.

Her last thoughts are about him. She wonders if he’s dying, wonders if he had died before whatever _ this _is started happening, wonders if he’s thinking about her.

And then, as she lost her last grip of reality, the world went dark.

* * *

The next thing she realizes, MJ’s in the arms of her mother who’s frantically sobbing and squeezing her tightly. They’re on the floor of her dimly-lit kitchen and everything’s stayed the same until she looks at her mother, whose eyes had less shine as if time hasn’t been friendly to her. She can’t decipher the amount of time that has passed from when she thought she was dying, but it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours. 

“It’s been five years, baby,” her mother cradles her as if MJ was reborn. And in many ways, she was. She squeezes her mother tight and an apology leaves her lips as if MJ had been the one who decidedly abandoned her for those years.

She stays in her mom’s arms for a while because she understands that the world will be less kind to her, to anyone who went through this, and maybe right now, all that mattered was being in the arms of the person who thought they had lost her.

* * *

Readjusting to a universe whose emotional baggage is irreversible was not smooth. MJ takes her time in the way she places herself back in Midtown; her heart no longer guarded by the reluctance of hiding her emotions, but more open and kinder. She catches up with everyone who’s returned, accepts the goodbyes of students that have come and gone after surviving The Blip, and understands that nothing can be the same after. 

Like MJ, Peter had been a victim of Thanos’ decimation and returned in an unfamiliar space, a life without his mentor, Tony Stark. Everyone learned what Iron Man did, what the Avengers did, and retold their stories by placing art in the classroom walls of Midtown or posting murals of the heroes in the walls of restored buildings. 

She wonders how hard it is for Peter, to have been in the battlefield of legends and aliens, to witness another death after dying himself, to be a pinch of why the universe is restored yet but to keep it to himself. Peter’s alive, but his soul is different; it’s jaded and less optimistic. And It’s a gentle reminder that although he puts his responsibility of New York (and now, the universe) at the forefront, he’s just as human as MJ. 

MJ’s sitting on her couch with Peter a few months after The Blip, Ned sprawled across the floor, a box of half-eaten pizza perched on the coffee table, and their laughter echoing and filling up the otherwise empty apartment when she realizes that yes - many of their friends have grown older, some people didn’t have a chance to return, and there’s a lot of routines that need readjusting - but their moments together is what reminds MJ that there are still moments that remind her of what used to be. 

“I have to go home now, my mom’s making dinner for my little sister’s birthday,” Ned lifts himself from the ground and packs up his things. They didn’t really study all that much because there’s a copious amount of shows they’ve missed out on, and the entire collapse of the universe sparked an episode of existential crises among the trio. 

Peter’s fallen asleep on the couch with his head resting on MJ’s thigh, and Ned looks at them and rolls his eyes in the most endearing way possible before waving MJ goodbye and not bothering to wake Peter, but when the door slams shut Peter jolts up and realizes where he’d been.

“Oh, I’m so sorry MJ,” he rubs his eyes and rolls his neck to stretch. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’ve been so tired lately.”

“It’s okay, dork,” she hides the disappointment in her face because he didn’t really want to lie down on her leg. “Why are you tired?”

“Life, I guess. Aunt May and I had to move places, and I’ve been helping with that. Catching up with homework and studying because it’s been five years, and that’s just ridiculous. And uh, other things, but mostly that,” he sits up and stretches his arms to the ceiling. 

Of course Peter doesn’t mention his other life, the life he continues to be devoted to despite the trauma that followed–or rather, chased–Peter nonstop. He doesn’t quit, and neither will she when it comes to supporting him from the shadows.

The last episode of the docu-series they’d been binging finishes, and the suggest feature read, “Heart of Iron: The Tony Stark Story” and suddenly, the tears in Peter’s eyes are no longer from his disturbingly loud yawn but from genuine tears. His body stiffens and he looks down searching for the remote and shuts it off. 

“Hey, do you want tea?” her hand rubs his shoulder blade. “I have chamomile. It helps with sleep and stuff.”

“That’d be nice, actually.”

She prepares a cup and hands it to Peter. He thanks her and they’re no longer carrying a conversation because she’s propped open a book, and he’s writing intently in a notebook.

“Homework?” she asks.

“No, I’ve been journaling. It’s no chamomile tea, but it helps me sleep at night.”

She puts her book down on her lap, thumb bookmarking the last page she’s read.

“You can keep the tea, Peter,” she suggests. He looks at her and smiles.

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, it’s no big deal,” her eyes shoot back to the book and she leaves out the fact that she researched which tea can help with anxiety because he doesn’t have to know that she bought it specifically for him. 

“Cool,” he sips.

* * *

“We’re going to visit a _ lot _of sick places. All in the name of science, but we’re still going to freaking Europe guys!” Ned exclaims at lunch. “In two weeks!”

“It’s exciting stuff,” Peter responds to Ned, but looks at MJ, nose deep in a new book. She pretends to not notice until he breaks his gaze to turn to Ned. She looks up at him and rewards herself for catching his eyes. He looks back at her, but she’s already back to the novel as if she never lifted her head at all.

It’s a game they’ve been playing, at least a game that MJ’s been playing because she loves staring at Peter. The game makes her nervous because she doesn’t want to get caught looking at him longer than she needs to, but it’s not like she can help herself get lost in the way his skin crinkles around his eyes when he’s excessively laughing at her dry jokes.

“What’s up _ Penis _?” Flash shoves his new iPhone X in front of Peter’s face. “You ever seen something so shiny? Or are you still sporting your ugly cracked Android?”

“Yeah, we’ve all seen your oily forehead, Eugene,” MJ blurts. Ned and Peter snicker, and suddenly, Flash’s front camera is open and he’s checking his complexion.

“Back off, MJ,” he frowns and storms away.

“You’re not allowed to call me that!” she calls to him and fist bumps Ned’s already extended fist and smiles at Peter who looks at her like she’s some kind of angel, even though he’s the one that shines every single day.

Sometimes, she’ll think he likes her back by the way he just _ listens _to her go on and on about one thing or the other, even if it’s about things Peter doesn’t necessarily need to know, like the way literature stereotypes women because it’s all written by men or her favorite murder or the when her favorite black creative’s going to post another podcast. But other times - most times - she’ll brush it off because he’s just being polite, and he listens to Ned’s ramblings about Star Wars fan theories and the funny way Principal Morita changes his walk when he’s reprimanding a misbehaving student in the hallway. 

She doesn’t mind if Peter doesn’t like her back because no one has liked her in _ that way _ before so it’s not really like she’s missing out on a feeling she knows. Although, she does find herself wishing she wasn’t so observant in the beginning anyway because now she’s keeping Peter Parker’s secret and constantly worrying about his safety and taking extra measures to help him out but he doesn’t even know. 

“MJ, is everything okay?” Peter notices she’s no longer paying her hiding spot any attention, “you haven’t turned a page in like 10 minutes. You average about 3 pages every two minutes.”

She looks up at him, and he’s grinning sheepishly because Ned snorts at the comment and Peter’s shoved his elbow not very subtle against his best friend’s arm and god, they’re both idiots, and they’re _her_ friends.

“I’m perfectly okay,” she smiles just as the bell signals that lunch is over.

* * *

The night is quiet after Peter and a newly discovered hero stopped a fire monster from devastating the streets of Prague. 

“You know they used to execute people on this bridge?” she rambles on about the history of the city that she’d looked up on the bus from Venice, the same bus she witnessed Peter’s dumbass jump through the sunroof and her even bigger dumbass classmates believe there was a baby mountain goat behind them. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay,” his hands brush against her slightly, but she pulls away, “Uh, look… there’s thing that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. For a while.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s our last night in Europe, and I had this plan that I wanted to tell you,” he fumbles with his clothes and encourages himself say what he’s thinking. And MJ’s convinced Spider-Man can also read minds because finally, this is the moment when he’ll finally confess his identity. “I’m just gonna tell you I’m–”

“Spider-Man.”

“What?”

“That’s what you were gonna say. That you’re Spider-Man.”

“No. I’m not Spider-Man.”

“I mean, I’ve been watching you for like, a while now, it’s kind of obvious.” He’s faking his reaction, and she continues to explain Washington and his mysterious actions, the way that he’s terrible at keeping secrets and even brings out the device that’s decorated with his webbing until he interrupts her.

“Were you only watching me because you thought I was Spider-Man?” 

She looks down in frustration at herself because she probably shouldn’t have said she was watching him because that’s creepy, and Peter’s uncomfortable, and she’s moments away from ruining their friendship if she doesn’t dismiss it.

“Yeah, why else would I be watching you?” she tries her best to sound nonchalant, but it doesn’t work. However, before Peter can answer, a projection flashes in the sky of the elementals from their trip. They’re questioning the intention behind this until Peter admits he’s really Spider-Man, and she revels in her confirmation, and they run off to the hotel to take action on the situation.

* * *

MJ doesn’t see him until after the fight is over and she’s ditched her friends and the sweaty man to meet Peter on the Tower Bridge and he’s limping until he sees her and he speeds to her. They embrace, and she asks if he’s stopped Mysterio, and he’s sad when he answers _yes _because Peter Parker never truly wants to hurt anyone. So she changes the subject and shows him the necklace that now nearly shattered, and he starts blabbering about an excessive plan to give her the piece of jewelry and wow, she can just _kiss him right there,_ so she does.

“And you kissed me.”

“I don’t have much luck in getting close to people, so I lied… I wasn’t watching you just because I thought you were Spider-Man.”

“I really like you.”

“I really like you, too.”

They kiss again. And again. 

And it’s so perfect, and it’s everything that MJ thought it would be because it’s Peter Parker for god’s sake, and he likes her back. 

* * *

“So you knew this whole time?”

“Yup.”

“And you’d always try to help me?”

“Yup.”

“Like how?”

“I know when you patrol you’d forget to eat. And I was worried about your schoolwork so that’s why I wanted to study with you. But I also liked you at the time. It was like my intentions had a double life, too.”

“Wow.” 

“And I want to keep helping you, you know.”

“Well, you helped me with Mysterio. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known.”

“I know. You’re lucky to have me, Parker.”

“I really am.”

* * *

Ned’s not surprised. Neither is the rest of the Academic Decathlon team or Aunt May. They were all kind of waiting for it to happen, and MJ holds a grudge because no one thought to point of how oblivious she was to Peter’s crush.

Because now that it’s out in the open, it’s incredibly obvious and teetering over the edge of obsessed. But she loves it. 

MJ loves the way he holds her books in one arm and her hand in the other. She loves how he tells her his Spider-Man origins in complete detail, about how he was bitten by a radioactive spider during a field trip and that he refused to accept it, but Uncle Ben happened and the rest is history. She loves the way he asks her about her life, even though she’ll take longer to open up compared to him. And most of all, she loves him and it’s so scary because she’s only 17 and she has no idea where this will end up but it’s okay because it’s Peter Parker, it’s always been Peter Parker. And maybe, just maybe it will always be Peter Parker.

“You know one of my favorite things about you, Em?” he says one day over a cup of coffee at their favorite shop. 

“It should be everything,” she purses her lips. “But I’ll entertain you. What is it?”

“You’re kind of, lame,” he says.

“Oh, I’m just _ gushing _ from your compliments.”

“No, not like that. But like, you actually are lame, MJ. You laugh at my jokes, first of all, and you have a lot of guilty pleasures that no one knows.” 

“Your jokes are funny,” she frowns. 

“You never said that before, though. But, let me just explain. You like stepping on crunchy leaves when we’re at the park. You like it when we’re walking in sync and you make me double step when it gets uneven. You have a puppy shaped bookmark and you doodle in the corners of your notes. Your favorite genre of movies is romantic comedies, but the good ones like _ The Princess Diaries. _You read your childhood books when you miss your mom while she’s working long shifts. And no one knows that maybe except me. That’s why it’s one of my favorite things.”

“That’s a lot of things, Pete,” she takes a sip of her lukewarm latte.

“You’re right. I guess I just love everything about you,” he takes both her hands in his and kisses them before leaning forward and kissing her nose because those are much better than forehead kisses, according to him. 

“Me too. Except for the fact that you’ve _ never _ watched _ The Princess Diaries_,” she rolls her eyes. 

“Okay, let’s watch it then."

“Okay.”

“But I can’t today.” 

“Patrol?”

“Yup.”

“Well, we better get going so you can do your thing,” she drinks her mug empty and sets it down. “I know you’re just itching to swing.”

“Sorry,” he frowns. 

“It’s not a bad thing. You got a lot of stuff to do,” she smiles. 

“Adding this on the endless list of things that I love about you.” 

“And I better see that list written out with supporting evidence in MLA format,” she huffs.

“Yes, Miss Jones.”

* * *

“Are those tears, Peter?” she nudges his shoulder with hers as they’re watching Anne Hathaway cry in the rain because she’s hurt the people she’s closest to.

“Yes,” he says proudly. 

“So you like the movie?” 

“Of course I like the movie. Except the pizza and M&M thing is kind of weird. Must be a Californian thing.”

“It’s not that bad, you know?”

“You tried it?”

“It’s my favorite movie, of course I’ve tried it,” she snuggles closer to him on her couch. 

When the movie ends, he kisses her, and she lets him in. He works his tongue around hers and deepens the kiss as he leans towards her. She’s laying flat on the couch and he snakes his arms around her neck and shimmies himself in between her legs. She uses her legs to pull Peter closer, bodies touching, and Peter’s peppering kisses down her jaw to her neck. She lets out a loud exhale allowing her naturally tense composure unhinge beneath him. She grinds up against him, and he moans. 

“You’re perfect,” he says in between kisses. Her hands are running through his curls, longer than usual because he hasn’t found time to get a haircut but she likes it that way. She tugs on them slightly, asking for permission, and he pushes out an _ mhm _ for her to pull tighter.

“_God yes, please, MJ,” _she deciphers his incoherent words only because his mouth is nibbling her earlobes. 

She throws her head back before guiding his hands beneath her shirt. He stops for a second.

“Are you sure?” 

She nods. 

His hands explore her skin, and they’re a little clammy but MJ’s equally as nervous too. They’re kissing, breathing, moaning, and suddenly her shirt is on the ground and he’s trying to unhook her bra but her patience wears thin and she does it for him.

“I’ll learn how,” he promises before placing his lips on her neck and trailing his way down to her chest, but before he starts he pulls back and takes her all in. He’s smiling and she’s smiling because really, there’s no one else she’d want to look at her like that. 

The sensation of his tongue on her nipples is new and different, but it feels so, so, so good. And he whispers phrases of awe and amazement and it just heightens how much she fucking loves him, but he suddenly stops and lifts himself up.

“Your mom’s coming,” he gets off of her. “She’s like really close to the door, Em, go change.” 

She comes back to her surroundings, grabs her clothes, and runs to her room. She slams the door behind her and leans back into it, breathing heavy and collecting herself, and thanking the universe for Peter’s heightened sense of hearing. 

As soon as her sexual drive plateaus, she walks back out to the living room and sees Peter scribbling in his journal and pretending to study. 

“Did you find your chem book?” he inquires while her mom is settling her bag and keys on the kitchen counter.

“No, I must have left it at school,” she answers quickly.

“Okay, well. We should just study for the test another day then. I’ll see you later MJ,” he gives her a tight hug and politely waves goodbye to her mom. She hasn’t told her about them yet because even though her mother’s institution has already told her, she knows her mom is protective and curious. Once Peter’s gone, her mother sits her down on the couch.

“I don’t want to pry into your life, baby, but can I tell you something?” her mother pushes her bangs out of her eyes and MJ nods. “You’re growing still. And the process of growth is fragile.” 

“Okay, Mama,” she avoids eye contact.

“And I don’t want you to think I’m ever shoving my beliefs down your heart, but I just want you to know every relationship you will experience comes with a cost of losing yourself. And you’ll lose yourself and find yourself, so many times, sweetie. And that’s okay. But just remember you to protect yourself and your heart,” she kisses MJ’s forehead and pulls her into an embrace.

Her mother’s been hurt, several times from people she thought would always be there for her. She had MJ at 20, in the middle of getting her nursing degree, and MJ’s grandparents–traditional and ideal–did not support her. She ran away, with MJ’s father, and moved into a studio apartment in Queens to finish her degree while working part time. It was a struggle until she found her permanent stay at a hospital and worked extra hours to sustain and raise MJ. Her father, upset and furious with the lack of time he had with her mother, left and never came back. MJ was 9.

So she squeezes her mother's waist in the embrace and promises, “I’ll be careful, Mom.” 

And MJ, with zero predictions of what the future of her and Peter holds, keeps that promise for as long as she can.

* * *

She keeps checking the time because Peter promised to stop by after patrol since there’s a Spanish quiz tomorrow to review for, and she’s anxious because it’s nearly midnight and Peter could be hurt or injured somewhere in the dark streets of the city. But she reminds herself that this anxiety comes with her relationship with Spider-Man.

MJ steps away from her desk and window because she’ll probably be more relaxed laying on her bed, but she really isn't. It’s nearing the end of the hour and her eyes are fighting sleep because Peter never breaks his promises when there’s a rapid knocking on her window and she rushes over to open it.

Peter has a black eye and a few scratches on his face, but he keeps a weak smile for her. She runs back and grabs a towel and blanket because he’s visibly shivering and wet. 

“Do you have the flashcards? Let’s start studying.”

“Peter…” she touches his wounds. He stays in the little fire escape opening because he doesn’t want to mess up her room. 

“Got dropped into a lake. I’m fine. I’ll heal. Are we learning conjugations?” 

“Peter,” she says more firmly. 

“MJ,” he returns. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” she’s silent. “I have leftover food. Eat,” she hands over her box of takeout and he starts chowing down like he’s forgotten what food tastes like. They start quizzing each other until MJ’s falling asleep on her desk chair.

“I should go,” he says. “Good night, my love,” she leans in to kiss him, hard and passionate, from inside her bed before he thwips away. 

* * *

Peter and MJ’s last year in Midtown High flies by, their old study sessions in the cafe or in Peter’s room turning into late night cramming by MJ’s window. She’s more tired during the school day, but she loves the boy and she’s certain he loves her but they haven’t said it in words yet but he walks her home every day and she’s watched all ten movies from the Star Wars universe and they feed each other from their plates. 

She gets her college responses, and before she knows it, she's already submitting her intent to register at Harvard for sociology while both Peter and Ned have been accepted MIT for chemical engineering and computer science, respectively. It’s perfect because the trio will be the same in a new city, and her life grants her with the one constant that’s made her high school experience worthwhile.

Prom’s in a few weeks, and she assumes Peter’s going to ask her because he’s a softie and wants to conform to high school’s stereotypical norms. She’ll say yes, of course, because she secretly wants to do the same.

“Have you looked for a dress yet?” Aunt May asks her over the dinner they’ve started without Peter because he’d texted them that he’s currently in pursuit of an underground gang.

“Peter hasn’t even asked me yet,” she twists her spaghetti with her fork. “I don’t think he will because he knows I’m not into big announcements in front of people.”

“I’m sure he has something planned for you,” May smiles. 

“I hope so,” she pulls out her phone to show May the dress she found with her mom last weekend.

“It’s beautiful.”

They finish dinner, and MJ offers to wash the dishes. Because of Spider-Man’s increasing exposure to different villains of New York, MJ has spent a lot of time alone with May. It’s mostly quiet, but not at all uncomfortable. They’ll both share the same anxieties about Peter’s safety, but both admire his grit. MJ learns more about Ben and how Peter was as a child, and those conversations are enough to keep her warm when they both anticipate his arrival. 

She finishes up and wipes her hands dry on the towel before heading into the living room. 

“Why don’t you wait in his room sweetie?” May suggests. MJ complies and heads over to the place she knows by second nature and opens the door to see the room decorated with an abundance of fairy lights. It’s empty and clean, for the first time probably, and there’s pictures of her and Peter scattered on the floor. May shuts the door behind her and Peter’s head pops into the frame of the window, upside down. 

“Hey Spider-Man,” she says. 

He webs himself lower and hands her a box of pizza. 

“I didn’t forget to eat,” he says proudly. “Open it.”

When she takes the box of pizza and does as Peter says, she sees PROM? written in M&M’s on the pizza pie and she’s so in love, it’s unreal. She pulls down the mask just so his lips are revealed and places her lips gently onto his. 

“So is that a yes?” he laughs after pulling away.

“Hell yeah.”

He crawls into the room and they share their dinner while looking through the photos Peter has selected to print. 

“These are beautiful.”

“This pizza _ is _good.” 

“I told you I was right.”

“Well, you’re always right, Em,” he says. 

And honestly, there’s no one else she can see herself with.

* * *

Peter’s absent because he’s left on a super-secret mission with Nick Fury and Maria Hill, so MJ and Ned spend lunch theorizing different potential threats.

“There’s been such an alerting increase in crime here,” Ned crunches on his green apple slices.

“I’ve noticed,” it’s hard to stomach her food thinking about the risks Peter’s been putting himself into, “I don’t know how he’s going to keep doing this.”

“He has lots of help from other heroes. And his entire plan to launch the Young Avengers team, too.”

“The what?”

“The Young Avengers team. He’s met a lot of potentials and once we get out of this high school mess, he can really focus on it.”

“That’s cool. Although Boston’s a really weird place to build a headquarter in,” MJ sips her water.

“What?”

“What?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Ned stops eating. “He’s not going to MIT, MJ.”

“Oh.” Her heart sinks. 

“I’m sorry. I thought you knew,” he says, “he’s probably going to tell you soon.”

She doesn’t say anything for the rest of the lunch.

* * *

“Patrol was crazy today, Em. There were like 3 car accidents and one almost went into a restaurant,” he’s made a hammock from his web fluid. 

“When were you going to tell me?” she paces in her room while he’s balancing on the railing of the fire escape by her window. 

“I just told you how my patrol went.”

“No, not that. That you’re not going to MIT,” she stops.

“I never said I was going to MIT.”

“You got accepted.”

“But I never said I was going.”

“That’s not the point, Peter,” she hisses.

“I can’t leave New York, MJ. People here need me,” he explains. “I thought you knew that.”

“What are we going to do?”

“About what?”

“Us?”

“Did you want to break up with me or something?” there’s a noticeable shift in his voice, from calm to panic. 

“Do you want me to?”

“No, MJ, never.”

“Long distance is hard.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he says places his hand on her chin and gives her a kiss. “We’re not Jess and Ryan.”

She laughs. “Obviously, I’m not Jess. And I’ll support you. I just wish you told me.”

“I’m sorry for assuming.”

“Thank you for apologizing. I think it’s time for me to sleep now,” she tries not to sound cold because she does understand, but she’s still upset. He’s frowning, though. “I’m just not really in the mood anymore.”

“I get it,” he says. “Goodnight, MJ, I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you."

“I love you too.” They take another second to look at each other before MJ bursts out into laughter.

“Did I say something wrong?” he smiles nervously. 

“No it’s just. That was really underwhelming, I guess,” she kisses him again, “I think it’s because we both already knew from a long time ago.”

“Yeah, we did.” Another kiss and he’s off webbing away.

* * *

Prom’s everything MJ envisioned it to be: grimey and boring with a slew of students trying to sneak in alcohol behind Coach Wilson’s back. She still dresses up her best because the most exciting parts are before and after the dance. 

May and her mother take a lot of pictures of her and Peter before arriving at the place where everyone on their bus would be taking photos. Then, when they arrive, there are even more over-excited parents instructing their children to pose in fifty different angles. 

“I can’t believe this,” she whispers to Peter and he laughs.

“Let them be, it’s the only prom they’ll ever get.”

“You’re so incredibly understanding with everyone that it hurts me sometimes.”

“You look very pretty MJ,” he says. 

“You look pretty, too.” They keep following their guardians around the park for different snapshots. They meet up with Ned, who asked Betty Brant and Flash, who went stag “on purpose" and Abe and Cindy who didn’t ask each other formally but wore matching colors to appease their parents. 

The rest of the day flies by. MJ’s terrible at dancing and Peter’s surprisingly amazing, but she bets it on his coordination from the spider bite. They walk around the venue for most of the night and point out the awkward actions of their classmates, like Flash trying to ask multiple girls in a row to dance but getting rejected by each one.

They slow dance at the end of the night, Peter resting his head on her shoulder.

“I’m gonna miss you a lot,” she admits, still uneasy about the concept of a long distance relationship.

“I’m going to miss you, too MJ. I miss you whenever I’m not around you,” he lifts his head up to look at her. “Gonna miss your eyes, smile, everything.”

“I like dancing with you like this. We’re going to make it work right?” 

“Yes, we are. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure we dance all our dances together,” he kisses her.

* * *

They spend Peter’s birthday in the park after eating brunch with May and Ned. Peter doesn’t ask for any gifts because he said they’re the best presents, but all three of them barf at his cheesiness. 

It’s one of the less humid summer days in New York, so they lay blankets out and MJ teaches Peter how to properly do watercolor paint. He gets the hang of it and paints a nice sunset while MJ paints the necklace that he gifted her the summer before. 

They watch the sun go down, and it’s not as colorful as the one Peter made, but it’s far from disappointing. 

“Happy birthday, dork,” she says.

“Love you.”

They lean in to kiss each other, and it’s a little too intense for the public, so MJ pulls away.

“My mom has a late shift at the hospital,” she says.

“Okay,” he says. 

They pack their things and head to her apartment, and MJ’s starting to get nervous because this is really going to happen. It’s his birthday, and she doesn’t want to disappoint him, but she knows that the first time is never spectacular anyway.

“Do you have–” he asks as they’re both standing idly in her bedroom. 

“Yeah. It’s in my underwear drawer.”

“Fitting.” 

“Hush.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

“Just kiss me, Peter,” she says. And so he pulls her closer to him by his waist and leaves a gentle touch of his lips onto hers. She puts her hands on his back and closes the small gap between them, falling onto her bed. 

He’s on top of her, and they’re kissing harder and faster as they push themselves towards the middle of the bed. The end of her dress is already hiked above her stomach when they find the perfect spot to lie down, and he’s hovering over her body while he’s trailing his tongue across her exposed collarbones. 

She’s breathing fast like she always does when they’re making out because Peter never stops sending her shivers down her spine as he scatters his love all over her skin. His hands are grazing her exposed thigh, and the higher it goes the more nervous she gets, but she reminds herself that she wants this, she wants him, all of him. So she allows his fingers to trace the elastic of her underwear before slowly removing them from her body.

MJ starts unbuttoning Peter’s jeans just as slow, both playing a teasing game. When she pulls the pants down, Peter releases a breath of relief because the denim no longer restricted his crotch.

“Can I?” she asks, and he nods while she’s pulling his boxers down, exposing how hard he is. She doesn’t know how to do this, but she assumes it’s not too hard to learn and wraps her hands around his dick to stroke it slowly. 

“Oh my God,” he’s losing his balance as he’s over her, so she rolls them over, putting him on his back. His eyes widen, aroused and surprised, jeans and boxers now pulled down to his ankles. She pulls them off completely and lifts up his shirt so she can drag his tongue across his abs, and he’s so ripped it’s unfair. He removes his shirt, and he’s completely naked in front of her. She stops and scans his muscles. 

“Wow,” she says.

“It’s the bite,” he laughs.

“Still,” she’s on her knees above his thighs, and she slowly unbuttons the front of her dress to completely expose herself. His entire face lights up and he smiles, taking all of her in. They stare at each other for a moment, and he lifts his hands to hold hers. They’d never been completely naked in front of each other before.

But once MJ’s hands are in Peter’s he fastens his pace and pulls her down to kiss her again, like he’d been waiting too long to come back to her lips. They switch positions again, with him on top with her legs wrapped around his. He licks her jaw, down to her neck, across her collarbone, and spends a generous amount of time on her nipples compared to any other part of her body. He’s making his way lower, and lower, and lower until he’s hovering over her entrance.

“I might be bad at this,” he warns.

“We’ll learn together.”

Then, he’s flicking his tongue on her clit and she jerks herself into his mouth as a reflex, but instead of pulling away, he pushes his face further into her, tongue circling the nub and hands gripping her hips. 

“Fuck,” she lets out. “Whatever that is, do that more.” 

“So pretty,” he hums into her, words vibrating throughout her body. 

He keeps his tongue flat, lapping up and down the folds of her pussy and brings his fingers to wear his mouth is, teasing her slick entrance. 

“Please,” she begs. He complies, sticking one finger in slowly. “Kind of hurts.”

He readjusts himself until she hums in comfort, and starts pushing his finger in and out of her. She tells him to curl his finger when he’s in, and he listens, and god it feels so amazing. He adds another finger and she’s tightening around it. He’s concentrated on her body, and it’s so intense she can barely handle her nerves reverberating throughout her mind and body.

“Fuck, Peter,” escapes her mouth. He fingers her harder and harder, and she’s begging for him to give her more. “Want you in me.”

“Holy shit, MJ. Talk like that more and I’ll come before I’m even in you,” he hitches his breath and moves back to her lips letting MJ taste herself around his lips and in his mouth. “Condom?”

She tosses the little foil to him, and he opens it quickly, rolling it down on himself. He takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I can last long.”

“It’s okay,” she says. He lowers himself closer to MJ and teasing his member around her entrance. 

“Tell me if it hurts.” She nods as he slowly enters her, connecting their bodies together. He stays still for a second. “Need to get used to it.”

“Take your time,” she clenches herself to tighten around him.

“Fuck what was that?” he’s using his arms to hold himself still. 

“Just messing with you,” she laughs.

“It’s like you want me to come faster,” he whines.

“Show me what you can do, Peter,” she smirks.

He’s gentle, first starting slow and angling himself so he hits the same spot she moaned over with his fingers. He picks up his pace and starts thrusting into her, it feels so fucking good, so good that she’s grabbing her sheets and untucking them from the corners.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says each word with a hard thrust. 

“Please keep talking,” she begs, her body sensitive and worked up from his fingers now taking in his cock. The feeling of him inside of her never felt uncomfortable because Peter made sure she was soaking before he went inside, and it’s amazing how considerate he is and MJ just loves him so much.

“You feel so good,” he speaks so naturally about her and it shocks her with more pleasure, “you make me feel so good, Em.”

She can’t help but moan louder and louder with every thrust. “Faster,” she almost yells. “Please, faster.” He does what she commands, thrusting quicker than before and she’s tipping over the edge.

“MJ I can’t hold it any longer,” he’s grunting, still not giving up, veins popping out of his muscles from trying to last.

“It’s okay, babe, come for me,” she gasps, and he listens, emptying out into the condom while thrusting as much as he can before he’s limp. 

“I’m sorry,” he’s tying up the condom before disposing of it properly in the trash. “I promise I tried my best.”

“You did. It felt really fucking good, Peter. And if I’m being honest, you lasted longer than I thought you would.”

“That’s a big relief. You’re so hot, Em,” he kisses her forehead. “I’m really glad we could do this with each other.”

She kisses him again because she’s so lucky to have fallen in love with Peter Parker.

“I’m kind of hungry,” she says after coming out of the bathroom and peeing because she’s read that it’s important to do that after sex.

“Pizza?”

“Pizza.”

* * *

She finishes saying goodbye to Mama, who was holding a Kleenex to her eyes making sure to not completely sob when they part ways. She and Ned had plans to meet up for a late-night meal at the diner halfway between Harvard and MIT. 

Peter offered to come with her to say goodbye, but it hurt too much so her mom let her stop by his place the morning of her departure and she cried when he kissed her forehead and said, “I miss you already.”

She meets her roommate, Sarah, who complains about the whole no Greek Life ordeal at Harvard and says she doesn’t know where to meet guys. MJ does her best to not judge her until she explains that her father works at the Office of Admissions. 

“How’d you get in?” she asks.

“Uh, I applied,” MJ rolls her eyes letting the microaggression pass because they’d just met and she didn’t want bad blood so soon. 

“Cool,” her roommate says before going back to making her bed. 

MJ’s settled in, and she sends Peter a picture of her side of the room. She has white bed sheets accented with jade green pillows and above her headboard were a few photos of her and Peter and their Academic Decathlon clan. She thinks back to her freshman year and the days before she became captain during sophomore year, and remembers how guarded she made herself to be. She remembers leaning against the walls during practice or making friends with the snack table during Flash’s parties, never wanting more than just to observe everyone else – observe Peter. 

But she’d died and come back to life, let others in, and now she’s a college woman studying her passions and preparing to make new friends. MJ’s different, among other things that have changed once she stepped foot into another state because everyone’s more competitive and she’ll get questionable stares in classes people think she doesn’t belong in, but she reminds herself why she’s here. She reminds herself of the people who are proud of her (read: Peter Parker), and feels the familiar warmth of comfort in her heart.

“How are your midterms?” Peter asks over FaceTime in the new lab he’s doing work in. He’s been meeting with Pepper to work on the new compound for the Young Avengers to start their training. 

“Really fucking hard,” she has a split-screen on, trying to study her professor’s annoyingly vague PowerPoint presentation and talking to her boyfriend at the same time before he heads off for patrol.

“You can do it, Em. You’re the smartest person I know,” he looks like he’s scribbling something very important because he’s tongue is out as if to help him stay focused.

“Says someone who’s a chemical engineer and the new leader of the Avengers,” MJ puts her pencil down and looks right into the camera.

“Young Avengers,” he corrects her.

“I miss you so much.”

“I miss you, too. Once this group is up and running, I’ll have more time to make my way to you and Ned,” he promises. 

“Yeah, okay,” for some reason MJ’s skeptical on that, but she ignores her gut feelings and starts going over her notes.

“How is Ned, anyway?”

“Dying in lab practicals and programming workshops.”

“Have you seen him lately?”

“Not really.”

“Have you made any friends?”

“No.”

“Em…”

“It’s a lot harder than you think when you’re surrounded by a lot of privileged kids,” she sighs, “it’s really not like Midtown. Everyone’s trying to succeed over you and not with you.”

“Hmm… Well I know you’ll succeed in the way that you make it because you always measure your own success however you want,” he reassures her. He takes his lab coat off and grabs his suit from under the table. “I must save the city now.”

He’s triumphant and proud.

“When can you call again?” 

“I’ll text you after I’m done, and maybe if you’re awake I’ll call then.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Spider-Man.”

* * *

Peter forgets to text her, and after two hours of anticipating his message, she gives up and goes to bed. It’s patterned behavior, she notices, because leading up to Thanksgiving break, he forgets to message her after patrol a four or five times that she stops requesting it of him. 

MJ tries not to worry because Peter’s in one of the hardest majors while also working on an entirely new initiative of heroes, but really, is it hard to send a quick message? She decides to talk to him over Thanksgiving break and let him know how she feels because she hasn’t been this ignored since Peter had a crush on Liz and neglected MJ’s messages while trying to figure out how to be Spider-Man.

But when she comes home for Thanksgiving break and has dinner with her mother, Aunt May, and Peter, she forgets to mention it because she’s just so happy to see him again. She tells her stories about Harvard culture and the overheard conversations she’d heard from upperclassmen who are all too fed up with being in undergrad, and Peter talks about how he’d visit his professor’s office hours and ask for research opportunities. He hasn’t had any luck, but he still tries his best.

During that Friday, Aunt May and her mother go shopping with each other the entire day and leave Peter and MJ alone, so naturally, they’re ripping each other’s clothes off and MJ’s whispering every dirty thought she’d had while away at college. They both come and lie in each other’s arms in a silence that feels like home to MJ. 

The weekend speeds by all too quickly, and MJ’s already in a train back to Boston receiving pictures of her boyfriend frowning in his bed, alone. She loves him so much, and she dreads the next seven semesters of not being in the same state as Peter Parker. 

* * *

Holidays come and go, with late nights of stitching Peter’s wounds from fighting the Green Goblin in between. He’s in the last stages of training the new team, so MJ rarely sees him anyway. Her last ounces of patience for his success is slowly dwindling down. She thinks she’s being selfish, though because God, Peter really has the entire world on his shoulders and forgets that not everything is his responsibility to fix. 

* * *

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Peter said in a voicemail because MJ had taken an exam and turned her phone off. “I love that Valentine’s Day is on a Friday this year because that just makes both individual days better together. I hope it’s a nice day out in Boston! It’s about 45 degrees here, slightly windy, so I’m wearing the Harvard sweater you got me for Christmas and the beanie that your mom gave me. I’m on my way to a very, very important mission right now. I think it’s the scariest one yet, aside from Thanos. I hope you did well on your exam. I know you did, actually. And if you go to your dorm, I had your favorite flowers delivered with a special note with it. You should hurry up and go to your room to see them, so you can put them in a vase. Okay. Bye, Em. Love you.”

Though she appreciates the idea of coming to her room to her favorite flowers, she’s dreading spending Valentine’s Day without Peter. She’d even asked Ned to hang out, it turns out he had a date. She even almost stooped as low as asking Sarah what she was up to, but Sarah’s gone for the weekend on a “cute little girls’ trip with her besties.”

So, she unlocks the door awaiting her date with Netflix and a box of chocolate she’d purchased at the Student Store on her way home until she sees Peter, dressed in a light blue button-up and black pants, holding a bouquet of sapphire orchids, and her a box of pizza.

“I told you I was on an important mission,” he smiles. He sets the bouquet and box of pizza on her desk, and she runs up to him to give him the sweetest hug ever. 

She’s so in love with him, there’s really no going back.

* * *

“I really just fucking hate seeing you hurt, and I can’t even help you if I’m hours away,” she’s crying on the phone. They’ve been fighting a little more lately, and this time Peter told MJ he’d been shot in the ribs during a mission, and she broke down. “How can you be irresponsible like this?”

“Out of all things, MJ, I’m not irresponsible. That’s not fair to me,” he’s trying to keep a calm voice. “I have the entire city of New York on my back.”

“I know that. I’ve always fucking known that, Peter.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“You, Peter. You to be fucking talk to me. To stop fucking forgetting to text me at the end of your patrols or missions. It’s not fucking fair to _ me _that I’m losing sleep because you suddenly don’t know how to text me anymore.”

“You’re right.”

“Which part?”

“All of it. It’s not fair to you.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want you to spend your years in Harvard in your room waiting for me to just call you.”

“Why can’t you just do it then? Why can’t you just talk to me?”

“MJ, it’s not about that. You haven’t made friends like you said you wanted to. You don’t even see Ned. You just wait for me,” he frowns.

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“It’s not healthy. You are your own person,” he states. 

“So what do you want then?”

“Can you try to go out more? To not worry about me?”

“I can’t not worry about my boyfriend.” 

“MJ.”

“Peter.”

“Please.”

“Fine,” she ends the call. 

* * *

By the time summer rolls around, she’s ready to come back to Peter. She did her best to listen, to go out and meet new people. She’d made friends in her spring art class who convinced her to take up a minor in it. Isabelle’s inspiring because she bases her artwork on her Vietnamese identity and Marcus is fun because he satires Banksy by overexaggerating his street art. 

She’d told Peter about it when it happened, and he was excited for her. 

They spent the summer walking around in museums when they could. Peter disappears for two weeks because there’s a suspicious group of spies in Northern Italy and he’s in charge of the mission. He comes back with no bruises, but she’s still sad because she lost those weeks with him. To make up for it, they spend even more days with each other, consuming each other’s presence even if it just meant lying around. 

“Do you want to go out?” he asks when they’re laying together on his bed, naked and sweating from the summer heat and sex.

“We are dating, you goofball,” she lays both of her legs on top of his knees.

“I mean, like, let me take you out to a really fancy dinner,” he takes one of his legs and intertwines them around hers like she’s a body pillow. She turns her body towards him and rests her head on her and. 

“I’d like that,” she says. 

That following Friday - the Friday before she leaves for Boston again - Peter and MJ dress up and go to the fanciest restaurant that Peter’s budget allows. 

“I’ve kind of been saving for this,” he says. “Because I know we didn’t really make it _ official _but if I’m right, we’ve been together for two years and two months.” 

She’s blushing because she still wears the dahlia necklace every day since Happy gave it to her. She touches the necklace, a representation of the bond that she and Peter have worked on and developed since then. 

“You are wonderful for remember that,” she says, “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I doubt it.”

“Maybe this is the one time you’re wrong about something,” he swings the door of the restaurant open for her and she rolls her eyes at the dated gesture.

“I’m never wrong, Peter.”

* * *

It’s completely disorienting coming back to Harvard, in her new _ single _dorm because she refuses to take chances of getting a roommate similar to her first year. She has more space on walls and pins up her art, old photographs, and random tokens of memories to make the room more like her, more like MJ.

She promises herself that this year she’d make more friends and expand her circle. She’d done that last year for Peter, but she’s thrown away the idea of having her life to make her boyfriend happy and replaced it with the thousands of reasons why she’s doing it for herself. She had lost herself during her first year in college by forgetting how to have her own life outside of worry for Spider-Man’s. She blames a lot of it due to the long distance making her embarrassingly attached, but she also doesn’t blame herself too hard because MJ had a routine when she lived in New York with her already established reputation in Midtown Tech. 

In Harvard, MJ’s back to being one spec of thousands of people. She has to find her circle, so she finishes unpacking and walks around campus to look at different organizations tabling. 

“Hey! Join the Jedi Council!” a guy with dark hair dressed as Obi Wan holding a lightsaber shouts from a couple tables ahead of her. She asks to take a selfie with the guy and sends it to Peter.

MJ: may the force be with you peter parker 

Peter: god i love you

She declines the quarter sheet Obi Wan’s handing out and sees a poster from across the walkway reading “JOIN BLACK STUDENT UNION”, and immediately approaches the table for more. MJ smiles at the girl who's giving her the rundown on the organization, from their campus protests to the fundraisers they have at black-owned restaurants all over town. Hearing this information makes her feel warm inside, so she signs her email for the newsletter.

“I’m Mia, by the way,” the girl introduces herself as the president of BSU, and MJ automatically introduces herself by her nickname. “Nice to meet you, MJ. Hope we’ll see you around.”

“You definitely will.”

* * *

The first meeting she attended was overwhelming because there were too many faces to memorize the names of and she’s terrible at listing fun facts about herself when she’s under pressure. But conquers the night and stays the entire two hours. 

Two icebreakers and one presentation of their upcoming schedule later, MJ’s ready for more. There’s a Black Womxn in Law Conference during the first week of winter break, and she signs up for it, along with some other protesting events spread throughout the quarter. 

“I’m so happy you came!” Mia approaches her. “MJ, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” she feels a small pull in her chest because someone actually remembers her name. 

“Do you want to get dessert after this? My friend and I are headed to this really good cheesecake place.”

“Oh, tonight?” she thinks about the risk of missing news on Peter’s patrol, but remembers her promise to herself and continues, “sure, why not.”

It’s hard to keep up with the two best friends while they’re eating cheesecake and gossiping. MJ only orders a cup of tea and listens to them go on about the different events they’d be planning all quarter. It turns out, the two of them are all on BSU’s Student Board, all with an entire year of experience within the organization. MJ’s overwhelmed, but she pushes herself to ask questions.

“What do you like to do on the weekends here?” she asks.

“Do you not go out?” Mia gasps and nudges her friend, AJ. “We gotta take her out.”

“Totally. There’s a bunch of hole in the wall bars just a little further from the main town here. They play way better music, a.k.a. not shitty EDM,” AJ bits another piece of her raspberry cheesecake. “And the guys are really hot.”

“The girls, too,” Mia adds. MJ laughs nervously because she really doesn’t go out too often, and she’s not even of legal drinking age.

“I’m not 21, yet. And I have a boyfriend, so, no hot people for me,” she laughs.

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re 18+ clubs. We’re not 21 yet either. But we will pregame, if you’re comfortable with that. Totally don’t have to though,” Mia shrugs.

“Okay. Cool. Yeah, I’ll go,” she says. She gives Mia her number so she can be told details for the club on Friday. They drop her off at her dorm and lies in her bed smiling at the day she’s had. Exhausted and ready to recharge from socializing, she quickly prepares for bed and sleeps before the next day of classes. 

The next morning, she wakes up from a few messages from the night before.

[12:27 AM]

Peter: just finished patrol for the night

Peter: can i call you? 

Peter: em?

[7:03 AM]

MJ: sorry, i fell asleep so early last night. went to a club meeting and then met these two awesome girls and hung out with them for a bit. socialized too hard and went to bed :(

[12:01 PM]

Peter: literally just found enough time during a class gap to see this. i’m so happy you’re having fun em. let’s call tonight, i have stuff to catch you up on, too!

[3:16 PM]

MJ: i’m out of my back to back classes for the day, ready whenever you are

Peter: gotta do avengers stuff with the team right now. :( but i’ll facetime you before my patrol, promise

In the middle of her criminal documentary, Peter gives her a call as promised.

“Hi Em,” he’s on the roof of him and Aunt May’s apartment, a place that she frequented with him ever since their junior year Europe trip. 

“Hey,” she’s leaning on her side. “What’s all the new stuff you have to tell me?”

“You first, I want to hear all about your meeting.”

“Hmm… It was normal. There’s a lot of events that I’ll probably go to this semester.”

“I’m so happy for you. And your friends?”

“Mia and AJ. They’re really cool, same year as me. They want to take me out on Friday. To a club,” she grins nervously.

“That’s so fun! I hope you go, MJ, it’ll be a change of pace,” his closens up the camera on his face and smiles widely. 

“You’re so cute,” she laughs.

“You’re cuter.” 

“So, your turn.”

“I made a friend. Shocking right?” he exaggerates his gasp. 

“Peter Parker’s allowed to have more than two best friends?” MJ follows along.

“I wouldn’t say she’s my best friend,” he scoffs. There’s a bit of distaste in MJ’s mouth when she realizes that he’s made a girl friend, but she feels guilty about feeling jealous. Men and women can be friends. Right? 

She’s friends with Ned. She’s gotten along with a couple of guys from Academic Decathlon. And she hung out with Marcus a few times. But Peter didn’t make friends often, and him being oblivious to his charm and flirtatious mannerisms don’t help put MJ at ease. 

“How’d you meet?”

“You know May’s charity?” 

“Yup.”

“She volunteers there a lot. I was dropping lunch off to May and I noticed she was wearing a Spider-Man shirt - you know they make those now?! - so I complimented it, and then we kind of just got along I guess.”

“Okay,” MJ can’t help but roll her eyes; of course Peter’s riding on the fact that this girl loves Spider-Man. 

“Okay?” he chuckles.

“I don’t know what to say. That’s good, I guess,” she says.

“You could be a lot more enthusiastic,” she can practically hear his pout on the phone.

“That’s _great_,” she tries. At least she really thinks she did try. 

“Nevermind,” he gives up. The line is quiet, and for the first time, MJ wishes she didn’t have to talk to him right now. 

“What’s her name?”

“Ally. She learned about the charity because she and her mom both were blipped, and when they came back to the building they lived in, it was turned into a public space - everyone got evicted,” he says. 

“Oh,” she feels terrible now. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah. That’s why she volunteers to give back.”

“May must love her.”

“Yeah, I guess. There’s a lot of volunteers, though.”

The conversation begins to make MJ uncomfortable because she knows Peter knows what she’s trying to do, trying to figure out a way to crack him into confessing any type of more-than-platonic emotions toward Ally. It’s not MJ’s proudest moment, but she can’t help it when he’s hundreds of miles away.

“I gotta go, Em. Duty calls.” She looks at the time and it’s about 30 minutes before he usually starts patrolling, and she knows it’s because she’d acted unreasonably annoyed. But she doesn’t apologize and lets him go.

“Bye, Spider-Man.”

* * *

Their conversations start to run dry, and MJ occupies herself with Mia and AJ and the rest of the Black Student Union. Their evening phone calls move from every other day to only twice a week, and despite the fact that both of them are in the middle of the most transformative years of their adulthood, they don’t have much to say to each other. 

She’d inform him about the conference during winter break, and he says he has an Avengers Retreat led by Doctor Strange and Dr. Banner the following week. 

_ “Just our luck, huh?” he says. _

_“That’s not luck,” she returns._

_“Alright.”_

MJ immerses herself in the organization, in her studies, in going out on the weekends with Mia and AJ. Her nights with the new trio begin and end the same. They down five or six shots in a span of an hour, chasing with wine coolers and cheap beer. They arrive at the club after chewing on spearmint gum to hide the mask of their underage drinking. She lends a helping hand as a wing woman when they ask, politely declining dancing with other people, and actively avoiding looking at her phone because she’s supposed to be having fun and not constantly be anxious about Peter. Mia leaves MJ and AJ earlier on in the night to leave with someone different each weekend, and when the night ends, the entire weight of loneliness consumes MJ in her single bedroom dorm. 

* * *

Fall semester comes to a close, and if she’s being honest, MJ doesn’t remember most of it. There were protests, drinking at apartment of BSU’s upperclassmen members, going out with AJ and Mia, and countless late nights cramming information for her midterms or (successfully) coming up with 8 pages of bullshit for her cultural anthropology class. 

It’s the middle of Dead Week when she gets a call from Ned. 

“Sup Nedward?” she’s scribbling Cornell notes on Audre Lorde coining the term intersectionality.

“You tell me, MJ. We haven’t hung out since before Halloween,” he’s firm with his greeting.

“I’ve just been busy with BSU and stuff.”

“Can you eat dinner tonight?” 

“Sure.”

Later that evening, MJ arrives at the diner they used to eat at weekly their first year living in Boston. She’s slightly late because AJ called her to vent about how some people on BSU Board aren’t pulling their weight into the organization.

“You’re like 20 minutes late,” Ned already has an order of chili cheese fries and a chocolate milkshake.

“Sorry, Dad,” she jokes and starts reading the menu until Ned takes his hand and pulls it down.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine. Why would you even ask that?”

“You’ve been kind of avoiding everyone lately,” he says.

“Actually, I’ve made a lot of new friends and I decided to start living for myself.”

“You’ve always lived for yourself, MJ.”

“Okay? So I decided to continue living for myself.” 

“Why are you being difficult?”

“What do you want me to say, Ned?” she silences him. He picks at his fries. The waitress comes up to refill his extra cup of water and take Michelle’s order. 

“Are you mad at Peter?”

Silence.

“MJ.”

“No. I’m not mad at Peter.”

“Why are you acting like that then?”

“Like _ what? _ Like I have my own life? The one he told me to get after he said I was worried about him way too much? I made new friends, and now he doesn’t want me to?” she crosses her arms. “He has his own life. He has _two _lives, Ned. I can’t have my one?”

“I didn't say that.”

“Okay, then can we end this conversation?”

“You try being the one listening to him cry about missing you every other night, MJ. Because, really, he should be telling his girlfriend that and not me.”

“It’s not my job.”

“Dating Peter has never felt like work to you before.”

Her relationship with Peter hasn’t been the best, it’s obvious, but they’re separated by hundreds of miles and other obligations. They’d let each other grow on their own tracks, Peter becoming a head Avenger and MJ finding her niche in Harvard. And finding her niche was hard, exhausting, and mentally draining. But she’s found one and she finally feels like she belongs somewhere, like she has an identity of her own. 

She doesn’t say anything back when the waitress delivers her patty melt on rye. The two eat their dinners with the soundtrack of distance conversations echoing around them.

“All I’m saying is. Your boyfriend loves you. And that’s why he doesn’t tell you to stop living your life. But just because you have this life doesn’t mean you abandon everything from before. Everything around us changes so fast in college. One day you’re doing your assignment and the next day you can be getting fucked up with your friends. I know we’re not in high school anymore. We’re so fucking beyond that. But there’s constants in your life that are supposed to keep you grounded. Those things never change.”

He opens his wallet and drops a $10 bill to pay for his order and tip. 

“I have to go and study. But please, don’t let me stand here and watch you two fall apart because neither of you knows how to talk to each other.”

* * *

There’s an empty, black suitcase propped open in the middle of her dorm room with piles of clean laundry laid out on her bed. She’s contemplating which outfits to bring to the conference, ones that present her as a professional, but not to be mistaken as someone in charge of the event. She’s digging through when she sees the black blazer she’d always wear in high school.

The same blazer she’d wear to decathlon meetings as captain or to minimum wage job interviews, but only one moment strikes her as a milestone. Her first date with Peter. They’d met up in the corner of a busy street after landing back from Europe. It was her first (and last) swing across the city, and it was so fucking terrifying not knowing where she was going or where she’d land. All she knew was that Peter had her in his arms, constantly telling her she wouldn’t let her go.

_“I got you, I got you,” he repeated as she (probably) deafened his ears by screeching in fear. _

He ended the swing by taking her to the roof of a building near sunset. 

“I could get used to this view,” she rested her head on his shoulders.

“This’ll be our spot then,” he smiles. 

She doesn’t realize there are tears running down her face until her phone starts to ring. 

“Mia?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow at 5am! Are you almost done packing?” 

MJ looks at her suitcase, still empty because she’d gotten distracted from her own thoughts.

“Yeah, totally.”

“See you tomorrow, girl!” 

[11:41 PM]

MJ: Remember our first swing?

Peter: you mean our last swing?

MJ: Yeah.

Peter: of course i remember :)

MJ: I’m so happy you didn’t let me fall.

Peter: i told you i got you!!!!!

MJ: I’m sorry I’ve been shitty.

Peter: you’re not shitty.

MJ: But I am.

Peter: never. 

MJ: But you miss me.

Peter: em, i miss you whenever you’re not around. 

MJ: I miss you too. I’m really happy with the people I’ve met. 

Peter: i’m happy you’re happy. be safe this week, and have fun.

MJ: You’re so understanding. 

Peter: like i said, i got you. forever. 

* * *

Forever’s a really long time, and no one can physically promise that. It’s impossible. And Peter’s a superhero, but he can’t do the impossible.

After Peter comes back from his Avengers Retreat, they break up. Go on a break, break up, take some time away. A lot of ideas were thrown into the mix.

“I just really think I need to be on my own right now,” she’s sitting on her bed staring at him pace back and forth in her childhood room.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” he starts to cry first. 

“I just don’t know who I am right now.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Peter.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why do I feel this way?”

“Because you didn’t do anything wrong,” she holds her hand out to pull him next to her. “And it’s still happening.”

“I should go.”

“Please don’t go,” she starts crying. “Just one night. Please.”

“MJ.”

“Peter.”

“Okay.”

They’re in MJ’s bed, bodies warm against each other. They kiss one more time, and MJ really wishes it could last longer than it did. Crying tires her out, and she’s wrapped around Peter’s body when she falls asleep. 

But when she opens her eyes, the sunlight shines through her window, and the touch of Peter’s body lingers in her empty sheets.

A twin bed has never felt so empty.

* * *

Peter’s gonna call. He’ll call MJ, and MJ will apologize for being so fucking stupid for asking to break up. They’ll talk it out, work it out like the problem sets they’d tackle when they studied for physics their senior year. 

But he doesn’t call. He gives her space, the way she asked him to last month. He leaves her alone. He respects her decision, and _ of course _ he does. 

Yet all MJ can fixate on is how he didn’t fight for her. Fight for them. But maybe it’s not meant to be fought for. Maybe it’ll come around again. Because she doesn’t know what she’d do if it didn’t.

That’s what keeps her going during her second year of Harvard, as ironic as it is. Because she has to go through this, to get to figure out herself, to discover who she is before she comes back to him. And hopefully, he’ll still feel the same way. 

She decides to take extra classes in the summer and doesn’t go back to New York.

“You sure, MJ?” Ned finishes helping her move her things into the apartment she’s subleasing. AJ’s gone for the break, and they planned to share a double with the new school year anyway.

“I’m sure, Ned. It’s just too hard,” she frowns.

“It is,” he adds, “for both of you.”

She smiles weakly at Ned. 

* * *

MJ turns 21 in two hours, but she’s already drunk and she’s been sad and the weather sucks in Boston in the summer so she texts Peter.

[10:34 PM]

MJ: I misd ou

Peter: is everything okay?

MJ: no

Peter: What’s wrong 

Peter: Do you need something

Peter: MJ

[11:47 PM]

MJ: alcohol

Peter: are you safe?

MJ: yeah. At home. I miss you.

Peter: [typing]

Peter: [typing]

[12:04 AM]

Peter: Happy birthday, MJ. 

* * *

She greets Peter a happy birthday when there’s only a couple of hours left in the day. He thanks her, and that’s it. She spends the rest of her night looking at his Instagram. There’s a couple of reposts of greetings from high school classmates as well as people she didn’t even know. 

One post, in particular, is from that girl he’d mentioned months ago, Ally. She clicks on her Instagram, but it’s private.

And that bothers her so much more than it should. 

* * *

MJ starts to learn how to be okay. She’s no longer heartbroken, she knows there’s a piece of her heart that Peter’s taken with him. And she’s dumb for ever thinking that he’d return it on a silver platter after she did what she had to him.

She watches Star Wars (yes, even _ Phantom Menace) _and eats pizza when she misses him, but she never finishes more than two slices and offers the rest to her housemates. It’s not the same without Spider-Man taking all of her leftovers.

Third year is hard because her housemates always have people over and she forces herself to socialize with everyone while balancing upper-division classes, her art minor, and a new internship at a law firm all the way across town. 

All she is is exhausted. 

And sure, she has AJ and Mia, but MJ’s tired of going to the same clubs and doing the same damn thing they’ve been doing for the past two years.

They spend their late nights convincing MJ to finally go on a date with Daniel, who’s been flirting with her for ages. She listens to them, after the fifth time because they wrote a list of pros and cons and MJ appreciated their detailed argument. But the date’s not fun because all Daniel does is talk about his trip abroad, and he doesn’t ask MJ anything about herself. 

After Daniel, she decides not to date anyone for the remainder of college. They convince her to download Tinder and fuck her feelings away. And it works, until it doesn’t anymore because the guys don’t care if she comes first or even at all. So she stops it altogether. 

* * *

“MJ, we’re going out tonight,” Mia tells her.

“No.”

“There’s no option. Come on, you haven’t come out with us in so long!”

“I went out that one night after the fundraiser.”

“That was literally three weeks ago. And you didn’t even go out on Halloween.”

“Puh-leeeeeease.”

“What even is it?”

“AJ’s friend’s roommate’s birthday.”

“That’s a mouthful,” MJ says shoving a fork full of chicken alfredo in her mouth. “Fine.”

“Yes! I love you!”

They walk into the grime and sweat of the college apartment lit by the strobe lights that should be illegal. Although Mia and AJ convinced her to go out that night, they couldn’t pay her to get ready for a house party, so she’s wearing cargo pants and a white tank top with her hair bunned up and no makeup on. 

“The birthday boy isn’t here yet, I think it’s a surprise or something,” AJ explains, “my friend even told me that they got his out of state friends to come.”

“That’s a lot of fucking effort,” MJ scoffs. 

“I think it’s really nice,” AJ elbows her side softly. MJ chugs her entire can of beer to wash away her bitterness.

“Okay! Okay! They’re coming in like, five minutes, so let’s all be quiet,” the person MJ assumes to be the roommate cuts the music off only to be replaced by the murmurs and shuffling of everyone trying to stay lowkey. The entire room is pitch black once his roommate unplugs it. “When they walk in, I’m going to plug it back in.”

“2 minutes!”

“30 seconds.”

She hears the fumbling of keys and the creak of the door. Once it’s completely open, everyone jumps out, the strobe lights are back on, and the music’s in full volume.

“SURPRISE!!!!!” a collective scream shocks the birthday boy. And when people shuffle back to less forced positions, she notices that the birthday boy is no other than Ned Leeds. And with him, is his out-of-state best friend, Peter Parker.

* * *

MJ would be lying if she said she didn’t know how she ended up writhing beneath the sheets of her bedroom being eaten out by Peter Parker because at Ned’s party, they spent most of the time taking shots together and making fun of the way the universe kind of just put them in the same place all over again as if after their year of being apart was so fed up with how they both dealt with the breakup and decided to rearrange the stars.

Her hands are gripping his curls and she’s screaming his name in ecstasy because no other man has made her come in a few months and of course it had to be him.

He's Parker Parker.

And she's Michelle Jones.

He kisses his way up her body all the way to her lips as his fingers continue to explore her folds and tease her entrance. Everything’s blurry, her moans are incoherent because Peter’s fingerfucking the words out of her brain and all she can focus on is the way he puts her first, the way he wants her to come one, two, three times before even going inside of her.

“Got a condom?” he nibbles at her ears, and at first she pauses her heavy breathing, reluctant to admit that she has a stash of condoms he’d know it meant she’d been with other guys. “Em, it’s okay if you do.”

“Under the bed,” she answers, tears already welling up in the corner of her eyes. He’s rolling one on and she can’t help but ask. “Have you?”

The condom is placed all the way down his cock and he looks up at her. 

“Yeah.”

“Okay."

“We don’t have to do this if–”

“No. No, I want to.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, Peter. I’m sure,” she affirms still sensitive from the earlier orgasms he’d worked on. He takes no time in sliding into her and the second he’s completely inside, he takes a deep breath and looks right into her eyes, mouth open.

“Woah,” they say almost simultaneously immediately breaking into laughter afterward. He kisses her forehead, nose, cheek, then lips before he starts thrusting. 

“Fuckfuckfuck,” he’s saying. “You’re so fucking wet MJ, fuck.” And she’s speechless, except when she’s screaming his name. “Your roommates are going to hear.”

“Make me shut up then,” she smirks.

He takes one hand away from the headboard he’d been using as support and puts a small amount of pressure on her neck. MJ’s rolling her eyes back, and he’s fucking her mercilessly and it feels like everything she’d been missing for the past year. 

“I love you,” she slips out with his arms around her neck, and she’s scared that it’ll stop him but instead, he lets go of the headboard and her throat and hugs her. His face is buried in the pillow next to her head and their bodies are so close to each other, thrusts still as fast-paced hitting all of the right places.

“I love you, Em, I’ve always loved you,” he whispers in her ear, and hearing the words come from his mouth was enough to push her over the edge and her arms wrap around him tighter and she’s coming for the fourth time and Peter’s coming. It’s like they forgot they’re not the only two people in the apartment - hell, the whole goddamn universe. 

When they finish, Peter’s still laying on top of her and he comes out from hiding in the crook of her neck. They’re looking into each other’s eyes and he kisses her again, and this time it feels different, feels like he’s apologizing, and catching up the lost time.

“I never fought for us,” he says after pulling away. 

“I pushed you away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“We were both living two different lives.”

“I think it was good for us,” she says as he’s rolling off of her.

“Until it wasn’t.” 

“Until it wasn’t.”

“We have a lot to talk about still, Em,” he’s forward and something about that makes MJ happy because she’s never felt Peter be this honest and raw when it came to their problems. They weren’t high school sweethearts anymore. That part of their lives was over, and both of them had a hard time letting it go. But now, with one year of being apart, they both admit that life isn’t the same without each other. 

They shower together and lay awake in bed for hours and usually, MJ feels guilty for kicking AJ out of the room but it’s Peter fucking Parker and AJ’s spent the entire time they’ve moved in together witnessing MJ at her lowest points. 

“So Aunt May’s not spearheading the charity anymore?”

“No. She’s been really exhausted lately. So Ally and her girlfriend took over,” he’s playing with the curls of her hair.

“Girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “Why?”

“I feel so stupid.”

“You didn’t think–”

“I did think.”

“It’s okay, MJ,” he pulls her in closer and kisses the top of her forehead. He’s so patient with her and perhaps MJ thinks he’s just way too good for her because she’s the reason why they broke up in the first place. So she starts crying. “Hey, hey, Em, what’s wrong?”

“I just– this whole year has been my fault. It has,” she can’t control herself. “If I wasn’t so selfish, we wouldn’t have lost all of this time.”

He’s quiet at first, and MJ’s expecting him to deny her claims, but oddly enough, Peter doesn’t.

“You are selfish,” he pauses. “That’s my favorite thing about you MJ.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah. You know how to get to what you want and you go for it,” he’s tracing his fingers on her cheek. “You’re such a strong force in my life, and I figure you’re right most of the time, so I never told you what I wanted. That’s my fault.”

“Oh.”

“You can’t just blame all of this on yourself. You’re allowed to do what you think is right, and I did what I thought was right. Turns out we were both wrong. You and I are just meant to be. I know it in my damn heart. We’ll rebuild this together.”

And he’s right because they’ve learned how to be alone, how to be independent - something that the world didn’t teach them in the past. Their relationship began when the world came back to fruition from losing itself when the world preached togetherness and dependency to continue to rebuild. That’s all they based their relationship off on, and now with the respective lessons they’d learn with being alone, they could thrive together.

“I love you so much, Peter.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

When MJ comes round their house for the holidays, it’s like nothing has changed. She’s welcomed by Aunt May as if she’d just been on vacation for a year. They work on baking a pie a couple of days before Christmas when the guilt comes over her and she’s apologizing to Aunt May.

“Sweetie,” May sets the pan in the oven. “You’ll always have a place in my heart. Life happens and you move forward.” 

They hug, and MJ just wishes it were that easy to convince her own mother that everything was okay. Her mother’s reluctant, heart still guarded against her past, and now locked with a chain because she’d witnessed her daughter break for the first time. Peter says it’s okay and it’ll take time, but he’ll work on his relationship with her mother as much as he can.

She’s never stopped loving him, and he’s never stopped loving her.

And everyone around them was just waiting for them to realize it.

“So we’re gonna do this?” Ned exclaims.

It’s the middle of March, which means that she’d have to look for housing for her next (and last) year in Boston. Living with Mia and AJ clouded her judgment about her own path, and she’d slipped away from herself through the binge drinking and parties and drama of the organization she’d once thought felt like home. 

She’s thankful for them because they introduced MJ to a new part of herself. Someone who could be social if she wanted to, someone who could have fun, someone who’s not afraid to tell the entire world what she thought. But she’s ready to live with Ned and Ned’s ready to leave his unkempt and unhygienic housemates. 

“We’re gonna do this!” she echoes. They walk into a leasing company and make their plans of living together official. 

“I’ve missed you, MJ,” he pulls her into a hug. “But you know you always had me.”

“Thanks, Nedward,” she hugs him back just as tight. 

“What are you doing for Spring Break?” he asks after they finish signing addendums and various contracts. 

“I have to stay here for work,” she frowns. “And my internship.”

She’d taken a job as an undergraduate advisor for the sociology department along with continuing her internship at the firm. Ned frowns but tells her that she’s doing a great job. 

“You got any plans?” she asks.

“My family’s going to Canada,” he hums.

“I miss my mom so much. And Peter. And, ugh, I just miss New York,” she frowns. “I feel like every time I’m there it’s only for two seconds and I’m back here buried in work and all alone.”

Ned’s smirking in a way that weirds MJ out.

“No way,” she says. “He’s here?”

“I was told to keep it a secret but you got me there. He wanted to surprise you,” he laughs.

“I love him.”

“We know.”

“Shut up, Ned.”

“Never.”

* * *

For one week, Peter lives with MJ in her empty apartment for a break. Mia and AJ planned a West Coast trip and even invited her, but she politely declined because of work and the not very pleasant idea of seven days nonstop of doing things.

Her decision to stay birthed a wonderful seven days with her boyfriend. She’d take him around campus and show him the different places she’d study or wait around for classes. He’d ask so many questions about her, and his genuine interest in her is something she’d missed so much. 

MJ can’t help but realize that she’d never told him this in her first year. She’d kept Harvard a secret from him, and the way he asked seemed like he was waiting to know. She keeps reminding herself that she isn’t the same person anymore, and learned that maybe she kept Harvard a secret because he had Spider-Man – and she was just MJ. 

In the evenings, they’d attempt to make dinner together. They settled for the easy, college-friendly meals and loaded up on different carbs. When she’d have shifts at work or hours at her internship, he’d put on the Spider-Man suit and see if anyone in this city needed help. When she texts him that she’s on her way home, he’d be there waiting by the door to greet her. 

And really, she could get used to coming home to Peter every day.

And when he gets called to New York for an emergency with the Avengers, he promises he’ll come back that same night and keep her updated. She’s thankful for his super speed because he’s left and come back in eight hours, but he takes a little longer to come back because he has open wounds on his arms and legs.

When he sneaks back through her window, she’s reminded of their study dates on her fire escape back in Queens. He’d come and tell whatever crazy story he’d have about patrol and she’d wrap a blanket around him and feed him. 

So when he comes back, MJ lays him down on her bed, gives him a bowl of mac n cheese, and practices her stitching on his wounds.

“Your wounds were never this bad,” she focuses on threading the needle around his skin, wincing at the gash. “I forgot how violent being Spider-Man could be.”

“Yeah.”

She sniffles. She’s not going to get upset. She doesn’t want to because this is one of the things that scared her about being in a relationship with Peter in the first place. 

“I’ll be okay. Especially with you taking care of me,” he puts his hand on hers gently. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” 

The week ends too quickly, and she’s already waving Peter goodbye at the station. She doesn’t want to let go, but he keeps saying he’ll miss his train, and he kisses her forehead, nose, cheeks, and lips before stepping from the platform and into the train.

He stares at her from the window of his train car until it starts moving away, and he waves with the most childish pout that makes MJ laugh and clutch her heart. 

* * *

MJ’s last summer before her last year of undergrad was quite possibly everything she’d ever wanted because she decides to stay in New York instead of locking herself up in Boston. She’d miss her trips to different museums or her walks around her favorite parks. She missed the fresh buttered bagels her mom would buy her in the morning, and her mom in general. She even missed the tiny twin bed and her childhood bedroom plastered with posters from when she was peak angsty in high school.

Peter visited her fire escape during patrol sometimes, and when her mom worked late shifts at the hospital, they’d sneak in a couple of rounds of with each other. 

They had movie nights with Ned and Aunt May and fight over the characterization of Draco Malfoy compared to the books. They even had an Academic Decathlon reunion, and everyone turned out the way MJ predicted. If anything, she felt it in herself that she had changed the most because she’s genuinely laughing with all of them, cracking jokes in a lighthearted tone, different from when she’d hide behind them in high school.

All of them are older and kinder to each other, even Flash Thompson, who–right behind MJ–has shifted a lot of his attitude. He’s still a giant dick, but he doesn’t make fun of anyone for not having money nor does he flaunt his own, and honestly, that’s a huge step. 

MJ takes her time to scan each one of her high school friends one night when they’re circled around a bonfire at Cindy’s house. She sees the bits and pieces of change that everyone had gone through within these three years of college, and she still feels welcomed by them as much as she welcomes them. 

She squeezes Peter’s hands a little tighter beneath the blanket they’re tucked in, and he squeezes back because he knows what she’s feeling and he feels the same way. 

And when the time comes for MJ and Ned to move into their new apartment, she says goodbye to her friends, and thanks them for the last few months of being able to act like a high school student again before going into her last year of undergrad.

* * *

If the last three years of Harvard were a challenge, then her last year was the reward. She’s figured out how to navigate through her work, internship, classes, and even friends. She rekindles her relationship with Isabelle and Marcus, who’d been together for a year now. 

“It was bound to happen,” he says. MJ smiles because she gets it completely. 

“We watched your life in pictures, girl, you had a blast,” Isabelle gives her a fist bump. 

“Sometimes, it was a little too much,” MJ says. 

“You live and you learn,” Isabelle returns. “And happiness looks so fucking good on you.” 

MJ smiles even wider because she really is glowing. 

* * *

She and Peter had overcome the hardest parts of rebuilding their relationship, but sometimes it is still hard to see him put himself last, and one day she’s on FaceTime with him when she bursts. 

“You just don’t fucking care about yourself,” she’s angry. 

“I do.”

“No, you don’t, Peter. You don’t. I care about you more than you do, and it makes me so fucking angry that you don’t realize that you’re delicate, too.”

“I have superpowers.”

“I don’t mean your damn powers, Parker. I can’t do this conversation right now,” she hangs up without hesitation. She’s pacing around her room, knowing that Ned’s probably heard everything, so she locks the door to make sure he doesn’t come in to try to console her. 

But he doesn't have to because she’s getting another call from Peter.

“I’m not letting you end this conversation without telling you that I know you care about me. And I know that I don’t take care of myself a lot. But that’s because New York is my responsibility. No one else loves it the way I do. And if it means getting hurt along the way, then that’s okay. And I hope you understand that. Because that’s who I am. And if there was someone else that could do this, then I would let them, but there isn’t. I am Spider-Man, MJ.”

And she swallows her pride because even though Peter thinks he’s responsible for everything, she can’t imagine the guilt that runs through his head when he can’t save someone and how awful it must feel to be the only one to have these powers, and how no one else knows what he must be feeling.

“You’re right, Peter.”

“That’s a first.”

“Don’t ruin this apology, or I’ll hang up again." 

* * *

Everything she’d heard about the last year of college was true – it flies by way too quickly. Before she knows it, she’s saying goodbye to all of the people that have shaped her entire identity. She even goes out with AJ and Mia for old time’s sake, and the two have slowed down on their adventures as well so they call it a night before midnight and find themselves eating cheesecake at the very first place they’d hung out at during MJ’s second year. 

She’s slowly packing her boxes of the memories she’d collected being in Harvard, from the tapestries and photographs she’d use in her first year dorm to the different canvases of art she’d painted with Isabelle and Marcus on the Friday nights they spent in.

Like anyone does, she loses track of time sifting through the different things that she’d needed to put away, saying goodbye to everything that made her who she was. Life’s put her in a cycle of losing and finding herself repeatedly, and she takes every identity and personality with her everywhere she’s gone. Because she’s so different now, but somehow, she’s always been the same. And she’s rearranged the furniture in her heart to make room for the many versions of herself that she’s lived through. 

She and Ned place the last boxes in the truck they’d rented for driving back to New York. There’s not much because they’d managed to sell the raggedy, used furniture to desperate college students moving from dorm to apartments.

There were only a couple of days left until graduation, and Ned praises MJ for being so ahead of schedule. It’s her brand, really. She’d organized which parts of the apartment to empty out on certain days while also leaving room for the both of them to study for the last finals ever. 

The two of them live off ramen packets and anything easy to make for their next meals, a kind of beautiful way to end their journeys as college students. 

One night, they’re eating their meals in the little kitchen counter when they get a call from Peter.

“You can put it on speaker, Em, it’s for both of you,” he says, and he’s sad. Her heart’s frantic because of the infinite list of things that can make Peter Parker sad, and she decides that whatever is causing this is probably the worst thing in the damn world. 

“I don’t think I can make it to your graduation because,” she hears a shift in plastic chairs and a faded sound of beeps. “Aunt May, um, she’s in the hospital and… they have to run through tests and I just want to be here, and I’m so sorry. I think it’s cancer.”

And god, it is the worst thing in the damn world. 

* * *

After graduation, MJ and her mother eat lunch with the Leeds, and both families are trying to keep the mood high despite knowing what had happened with Mrs. Parker. All MJ wanted to do was get out of Boston and drive back immediately to Peter, and Ned felt that same way because once their parents decided on who was paying for the check, they nudged each other’s shoulders. 

The drive to Boston is quiet. They’d kept up with Peter together from his few texts while checked in at the hospital with Aunt May. They’d take turns picking songs on Spotify, and halfway through the drive they switched driver and passenger seats. 

MJ’s heartbroken because Aunt May had raised her like one of her own ever since she saw her waiting alone at the bus stop after Nationals their sophomore year. May would ask Peter how she was doing, and she had embraced her the moment she found out about the two of them dating. 

She’s always been there for her, from the small amount of time she’d known Peter. But she can’t even begin to imagine how Peter felt because Aunt May was all he had before. They’d mourned his parents and Uncle Ben together, and Michelle didn’t realize that he might be mourning her so soon. 

When they get back to New York, Peter meets with them at MJ’s house relay the information from the hospital back. 

“She has breast cancer,” he cries, sandwiched between Ned and MJ’s hugs. “It’s in the early stages and she’s going to have to go through chemotherapy.”

“I’m so sorry, Peter,” the two take turns saying. 

“May’s strong. I know she’ll be okay,” he says firmly. The two of them nod and agree because if anyone’s the real hero in their lives, it is May Parker. 

* * *

When she’s settled back into Queens, MJ spends time with Peter most days when he’s not out saving the city. She accompanies him when they take May to her first chemo session, and every session after that. 

Peter works at Stark Industries as an engineer, to no one’s surprise. He fights crime before, during, and after his 9-5 in his own office on the 11th floor. He’d introduced MJ to Pepper once in high school, but now they spend a few lunches with each other on the weekends because MJ’s thinking about getting into legal work for the company. 

“It’s temporary, just to get my foot in some experience,” MJ explains to Pepper who agrees.

She works with Pepper part-time and uses the rest of the time to search for new hobbies and being there for Peter when he needed it. She spends more time in his room than her own. 

His room has changed from high school, with all of his toys and knick-knacks replaced with gadgets that he’d collected as Spider-Man. 

* * *

One Saturday morning, she wakes up without him next to her but instead, a brown lunch bag with her favorite bagel order freshly made. He walks in a few minutes later, already sweating in his suit. 

“What happened? You look exhausted,” she’s blunt. He cocks his brows in slight offense. “Don’t get me wrong, Pete, you’re still hot as hell, but you’re already in your suit.” 

“There was an emergency in the subway at like 4am. Then I decided to buy flowers and replace the ones in May’s room so she comes back from her session to new ones. I have to pick her up soon so I can help her pick a wig and then I have to go into the office because Pepper has some new information about this new criminal called the Prowler and I need to–”

“Peter, breathe,” she sits up and unwraps her bagel. He inhales and exhales. “You need to sleep.”

“But–”

“Peter.”

“MJ.”

“I know the city is your responsibility, but please, you cannot imagine doing all of those things right now when you barely slept. I’m sure Pepper’s files can wait until tomorrow. And I can go with May.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I think I’ll just. Sleep then,” he sits on his bed next to her, slightly restless, but 100% endearing. She doesn’t even mind that he smells like sewer.

* * *

“How about this one?” MJ points to a wig that’s similar to the hair May had before she needed to shave it off for chemotherapy. The sessions had been going well, and all signs pointed upward with May’s fight with cancer. 

“I can’t decide on just one,” May frowns as MJ’s pushing her wheelchair to observe all the options. “I should just get, like five.”

“I think you should.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, May, why the hell not?” 

“You know you are absolutely correct, and that’s why I love you,” May says. Although her physical energy is not as strong, May’s spirit is as present as ever. 

MJ takes May up to the apartment to rest from her hospital visit. 

“Where’s Peter?” she asks. 

“He’s probably still asleep. I forced him to rest today,” MJ laughs.

“Thank God. He really forgets about himself sometimes.”

“Tell me about it. I’m going to go grab some dinner for him though, so I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Thank you so much, MJ,” May holds her hands for a minute before wheeling herself to her room. 

* * *

At the pizza parlor, MJ’s waiting for her order of pizza when she hears yelling from outside. She peeks out and sees a man attempting to mug two teenagers in the alley by the store. Immediately, she runs out and helps while dialing 911. 

“Why don’t you fuck off?” MJ says directly to the mugger, who’s already shaking with nerves because the girls were yelling and kicking at him, his attempts becoming more and more unsuccessful. 

“Make me,” he spits through his ski mask. MJ grabs her pepper spray and uses it all over his face, causing him to wince and drop the two handbags in his grasp. When the cops come to the location, the teenagers praise MJ for being a badass and wanting to be like her, and she blushes because no one’s ever told her that before. 

She watches the cops arrest the mugger before she walks back to the parlor and picks up the pizzas to go home to Peter. 

* * *

“Good morning, Parker,” she bursts into the room to wake Peter up. It’s 5:45 PM. 

“Em?”

“I have pizza.”

“You are amazing,” he stretches from a very well-deserved nap. “You’ve been out for a while. And you smell like pepper spray. What happened?”

“I stopped a mugging.”

“Oh. Makes sense.”

“Yeah. The kid wasn’t very good at it. He got a few hits to my shoulder but it didn’t hurt. I think he was scared.”

“Wait. You really did?”

“Yup.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay,” he’s putting on a sweater. “Roof?”

“Is that even a question?”

They make it on the roof just in time for the sunset to reach its peak of red, orange, and purple hues. They lean back on the wall while taking turns grabbing slices from the box. 

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah. I should be praised as a superhero just like you, if we’re being honest here.”

“I agree. And you do it without the mask,” he adds. “Do you believe in miracles?”

“I mean, yeah. I guess. The word itself doesn’t make sense to me. Because I think everything can be explained.” 

“Well, I think it’s a miracle that you’re in my life. Really, you can’t explain that with logic or science.”

“Hmm. You might have some points,” she bites the long, stringy piece of cheese from her slice. 

“Did May choose a wig?” he scratches the back of his head because he’s still uneasy about everything that’s happened with May. 

“She chose five wigs.” 

“Why?”

“Change is good," MJ returns. 

“You’re right.”

“Aren’t I always?” she shrugs.

She leans back, and Peter rests his head on her shoulder so they can watch the warm colors transition into cooler tones of blue and purple. Though the sky is changing, it doesn’t how beautiful the view is, and when the lights of the building start to build the New York City skyline MJ’s grown up with, she’s overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude and love for the past seven years of knowing and being in Peter Parker’s life. 

She’d watch him love and protect the city for so long, right before her eyes and from hundreds of miles away. The city is Spider-Man’s responsibility, Spider-Man is Peter Parker, and Peter Parker is her responsibility, her love, her light in the dark. He helped MJ find herself, lose herself, and find herself all over again. 

He’s been there through it all, their growth and love ebbing and flowing, like waves constantly crashing and changing the identity of the ocean. But the ocean is still home to thousands of creatures and Peter’s still home for MJ.

She’s changed, so much, and so has he. And there’s no denying that they aren’t the same people they used to be when she’d observed him from afar in high school.

But he still makes her heart jump, he still saves the world, and she still welcomes him home with open arms because although so much has changed, she feels the same love that she’s always felt because it’s him, it’s always been him, and it will always be him. 

MJ takes a deep breath, inhaling the New York City air that she had missed as she thinks, some things should never change. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/comments are always appreciate. 
> 
> Twitter / CuriousCat: @spideysmjs  
Tumbr: @briens


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